he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
