Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
