it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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