I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize