Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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