the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
