I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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