I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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