cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
my poor anus
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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