we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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