i just wanna soil my oats bro
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
