As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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