Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
