the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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