foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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