After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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