Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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