I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize