And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
