I feel like abortions should bother me more
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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