I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
