So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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