and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize