is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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