Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
