I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
