and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
