Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize