I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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