Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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