when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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