I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
