and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
