No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
