i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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