all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
