Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
