I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
