If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize