i need an iv and a liver transplant
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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