the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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