Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
