i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
smell my finger.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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