Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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