So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
