I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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