We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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