Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
