How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize