Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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