i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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