talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
