apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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