The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
