Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
