Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
