JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
