butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
