Say something about gay babies.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
wow bdsm is so cute
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
