hotel room ftw
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
