I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
