We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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