A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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