I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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