Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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