peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
