Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
