If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
