New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
